Meow or whatever

Dating profiles...reading through them is like being in a bad dream. You keep hoping you will wake up, but then that scary guy with the cross eyes shows up and calls you baby. Creepy. True story.
Some profiles are ok, yada, yada they like music, hiking in parks and spending time with the ones they love. But, then they show pictures of themselves in bed, or half naked and you are wondering if they own any clothes. I like my dudes to own clothes, because otherwise when they meet grandma it's awkward.
And..who the hell can't spell the town they live in? I mean since when is Baltimore a word open to interpretation. I don't know if it's Ball, but I'll make it Ball. Learn how to freakin spell. And if you don't have autocorrect on  your phone, cuz I know that's what you dumb shit used to fill out your profile, then you are using a flip phone and I don't have time for your living-in-1999 ass.
Witch. Not that I have been called one...but it's actually a word used in the profile of a particularly frightening individual last night. But, used as..."I have a job witch I enjoys."
If these profiles are from guys who are supposed to be putting their best foot forward, what the hell happens when they aren't "tryings to win u over". Is that when you use actual grammar and spelling.
And...I am loving the word And tonight. Since when do the guys come out blatantly and ask you for meaningless sex. What happened to a couple of conversations before you ask me to be your "love thang". Because if the dating profiles aren't enough to question the direction of the entire human race, the emails that result certainly are.
On the flip side today, I sort of responded to an email I got from a sort of normal looking guy..I think all I said was thank you to polite compliment he gave me, and the next thing I knew. (all in one email)
"Have you lived here all your life?
"What's your favorite flower"
"What's your favorite song?"
"Do you like walks in the park?
"What do you do?"
"You make me smile"
'What do you like to eat?"

I haven't replied back to that one. I'm afraid that his second question may be a proposal.

On the plus side, I've decided to be a cougar. Not like the school mascot. Cuz, that would be weird. Like an actual female cougar, cougar. I've got style, sophistication, a desire for plastic surgery and life experiences to teach a much, much younger man. Why the hell not? I'm not ready to date someone who has to put in his teeth in the morning. Might as well see if with younger guys I will have more luck. Meow..or whatever kind of noise a cougar is supposed to make. This time I mean the actual animal, not a female cougar. Keep it PG 13 here people.
I'll keep you posted. Later peeps.