Dear ABC...first, let me apologize because I never have actually seen an episode of The Bachelorette or The Bachelor. I have surmised from various media outlets, water cooler chit chat and Facebook (my news life line) what it's all about.
And here is my issue. Sure, throw a couple of beautiful, young, attention seeking singles together, and apparently according to your ratings, it makes for good TV. Look I get it. People want to see some excitement. Be entertained by hoochy dudes macking all over hoochy chicks. But, like I've said...never actually saw an episode. So, I'm just generalizing here. It's fun...check out people trying to find love.
But, what I would really like to present to you is an ACTUAL...FOR REAL singles show. Real people trying to find love. You know women like me. Women who may, or may not have perky breasts, look model ready in a bikini, but who have real lives, real problems, and real phobias about dating. Real stories about guys showing up with giant Dory balloons on the first date, and really not looking like their pictures since 1996. That's what we need. Real Reality. Not this made for TV scripted crap...have you even ever met anyone named Jo Jo? We need real life.
You need a chick who worries that her ass cheeks are chafing on the first date because of the thong she is wearing. She picked up the thong on sale at TJ MAXX, because her last boyfriend maxed out her credit cards and she can't afford the nice panties. But, she didn't want to wear the old panties, because what if he turns out to be normal, and wants to see those panties. The struggle is real people. Let's see her.
Or the dude who isn't really single because he is waiting for the "financial stuff" to get worked out with his soon to be ex-wife and his 6 kids. And all 6 kids may or may not belong to him, but he never wanted to ask for a paternity test. And the ex-wife has a handy-man who is handying around a lot, and his kids are calling him Daddy Dan. Come on...let's see this guy on a date.
Let's see the woman who who brings along her Pomeranian in a sparkly purse to the first date so she can meet her new "Daddy Waddy", then drinks 4 Cosmos, let's the dog down to pee under a bar stool and demands her date drives her to Taco Bell for crunchy tacos.
And you know you are dying to see this guy on dating show...the dude who shows up dressed as a pirate, and keeps asking if you want to walk his gang plank. Then goes and sings George Michael at Karaoke. Yes, he does have an eye patch.
I don't really know any of these people...they are just suggestions. Really. I swear. Stop acting like you don't believe me.
But, I want to see them. The real stuff...all the good, bad and crazy. So what if the "contestants" aren't perfect. Life isn't perfect.
Give us a real damn dating show.
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