Hanging Out

I think I am depressed. I'm tired, all I want to do is eat cookies and the siren's song of the shoe sale does not appeal to me. I didn't even have a glass of wine tonight...oh, this is so bad. I even...wait for it....told my daughter she could buy a snuggie.

What exactly has me turning to the world of Reeses Chips Ahoy? Dating drama. But, in this instance...not dating drama. I think things are completely over with my international man of mystery. He didn't seem real excited to hear from me last week, so I blasted an email to him scoping it out. To which he responds that it seemed like I didn't want to do anything more than hang out.

What exactly else did he want to do in a public place next to a table of Mennonite tourist? It's Hershey for Pete's sake...it's not like it's Vegas with all sorts of table action going on. Both in and out of the casino.
I was offended. So, I blasted an email back...clearly laying out the fact that I don't do casual. Which I told him once before, months and months ago...THEN he says that he's not sure what he wants...because he is probably moving in 6 months. What??? Where did that come from? Ok, so why even go out with me at all....then it all makes sense.

He never wanted to call me, he only met me at night, he's cold to the touch, never goes to the bathroom and he's from Germany...he MUST be a vampire!! Wait..hold on, sorry...I was watching Twilight while I write.

Let's go back...never wanted to call me, disappeared all the time, was hot and cold on the whole dating thing, and told me stories about his friends having friends with benefits. He wanted a hook up. How did I not spot it? He was very crafty. Throwing in random cute stories about his sister and how the Audi makes a nice family SUV to make me think he was an actual thinking, feeling human who wasn't only trying to get me out of my skinny jeans. And yes, K-Mart makes a very nice skinny jean.

Now...do you understand why I am depressed? It's hard not to feel like I did something wrong. That maybe he did see the food in my teeth, or didn't like the way I sang Lady Gaga songs on the way to the bathroom. Or, maybe even that the 39 yr old chubby single mom isn't as much fun, intellectually stimulating or witty as she really thinks she is. That can SO not be it...because I am freaking hilarious.

It's hard to get your point across via email, when you are emailing someone back and forth. And let's face it, online dating profiles aren't exactly an executive summary. It's easy to see how we both were expecting something different from one another. At least that's what I am telling myself so I will stay away from the cookies. But, why did he have to be cute and smell good. Damn. Anyway...going with a theme of easily misunderstood, I give you the latest dating profiles of some crazy men who want to make sure that you don't misunderstand. Anything.

Bald men with no jobs and no money, who live with their parents, don't approach strange women

I love to have fun. Paula Deen is hot! I love you, Paula! Where is my Paula Deen?

Did I mention that I’m not gay. . .cause I'm not?!

WOW WHAT A DEAL! NOT TO SOUND LIKE AN ARROGANT BASTERD, BUT I AM A STEAL! SO HURRY ON OVER WHILE SUPPLIES LAST!

Can you stimulate me intellectual; if not, don't bother? Communication is so important to me. I long for love but beware, I am too independent to be changed or controlled and I demand respect

looking to add some excitement. haven't decided where to draw the line, but if you have something in mind, i'd probably be up for it! serious meets, no games.

know everyone is looking for prince charming but come on ladies... Prince pimp is right here!!!Don't be afraid.

Just looking for a good, HONEST woman. Currently incarcerated but will be home in less then a year.

Winning!

So..it's been a while since I blogged. I'd like to say it's because of some deep dark secret illness that I had, that shrunk my thighs and made me even more beautiful and attractive to the male population at large...but really it's because I was tired of whining about getting no action. I guess whining is a strong word, but I like to use it.

I'll catch you up on my love life rather quickly...talked to some dudes online, dodged some creepy dudes online...got a email from a creepy dude that said "yummy" and nothing else...and was checked out by a friends soon to be ex-husband. Another creeper. Texted with some other guys...TEXT!!! I am so hip. Had a couple of really great conversations with men who have some real clear psychological issues and went out on two dates with the dude who dodged me a couple of times before. (see previously blogs) You know your basic single dating stuff...

But, now that I have been out a couple of times on real-life dates...and not the pretend kind I act out in my living room...Some interesting things have occured to me. Well, they are interesting to me...but I also have a picture of Rob Pattinson in my bedroom. So, let's use the word interesting with a grain of salt, shall we?

So, here is what I have been thinking about...dates are so much pressure. What do you wear, where do you meet, how do you tell if they are an axe murderer, who pays, and how much wine is too much? And don't even get me started about the whole food thing...ugh! I had french fries at last night's date, and got food caught in my teeth. I knew it was caught, but couldn't figure a classy way of getting up to go get rid of the crap in my teeth. SO, I sat there for about 5 minutes, terrified that he would see the french fries, become grossed out and ditch me when my back was turned.
Plus, I have decided to take Immodium before every date, just in case. Nothing ruins a good time faster than public bathroom diarrhea. Not that I am having those issues, but I just want to be pro-active, instead of reactive. Know what I mean?

So, on the plus side...dates have been good, guy appears to be normal...and he smells good too, which has taken care of my good hygiene requirement. I'm trying not to get my hopes up at this point, but so far I am having a good time. If he turns out to be an axe murderer, or married or a Cross dresser...a cross dressing married axe murderer, I'll let you know.

Until next time...here are the fun, and fabulous crazy posts. Enjoy.

**Sane. Have a great job. A nice car. Don't live with my mom..I own my own house. Am over my ex. And I won't send you pictures of my genitals.**

ask me to know me.searching for a job.i do not send money to any one.i am qiuet man.i like fishing,walking.music,animals,but i do not have,flowers.i like black,blue,red,white,greem

This is me ,., WINNING.. ..

I'm a well rounde bi sexual guy that enjoys life as it comes.

I’d like to meet a nice reasonably normal girl to spend time with. Preferably no crack heads, porn stars, religious cult members, or spoiled bratts

Hello my name is John , I no you get alot of emails from men, but i can honestly say i have read your profile and like what i read and see.

***I JUST MOVED TO CHINA. UNLESS YOU'RE IN CHINA AS WELL, THIS MAY NOT WORK OUT.***

Hello pretty young girl, how are you? you ahve a nice profile. i am interested in knowing about you. email me if you are interested and we start from there. Feel free to email me and i would be happy to hear from you.
good night sweety.

Ok so my friend met a woman on here and after a year or so she turned out to be a nightmare and started treating his kids like they were a nuisance while having 2 of her own.