My love life is insane right now...and it's not really so much a love life as it is like the Romper Room of dating. You know how on Romper Room she used to hold up that mirror and say all the names...well, it's kind of like that. I'm currently talking to/and or going out with 9 guys. Yeah, yeah...I know...9 is a little excessive...and you would be right. Especially since I can only remember all of their names after having two beers...but forget them all if I have three...and I can't really remember what any of them look like. I need that damn mirror. In my mind they all sort of swirl together...brown hair, brown eyes...yada,yada, yada...I got nothing.
I'm even starting to get doubles on names...so I am just assigning them a number. Wow...I sound like a bitch. A smart man once told me that the longer I spent online dating the more that I would lose my soul...that was slightly paraphrased...but sentiment is still the same. This online thing is turning me into a dating robot, cynical and jaded...and devoid (oh, yeah...I used it) of any emotions. It all so formulaic and boring. I tell the same stories, ask the same questions, make the same jokes...yawn. When I do actually run into a guy that doesn't use "how r u?" as a pick up line...I immediately assume he is looking to get laid.(see previous post on pants)
Of the nice guys I am currently talking to...I like one. We have hung out twice...like him and he seems like an actual real person.Would sleep with another one, who is not necessarily the one that I like, but then again...now that I think about it...and have 3 dates this week...of which I will probably only go through with one. Oh, wait...make that 4.
What's the point really? To not be lonely? To fulfill my narcissistic needs? I thought it was to find love...but I'm not even sure anymore. Again, a smart man told me not to settle just because I am lonely...of course he told me this in the middle of breaking my heart(lord, I am so dramatic)...which is not sexy, mysterious or even healthy for me to admit...and also makes him not really that smart...but I am saving that story for the made for TV movie starring Justine Bateman. Here is an excerpt of an instant message from a guy earlier this evening...
Him: Hope u had a great day
Me: I did...thanks. How about you?
Him:Not bad
Me: Do anything fun?
Him: If laying in bed nude and watching football is fun.
Ok..so really??? This is where this guy goes after chatting for 5 minutes? Based on this conversation and the endless other conversations I have been having both online and in person I have come up with the following statistics. Now, granted this is Plenty of Fish...which my psychotherapist calls "kind of like Baltic Avenue...low rent and east to get to". So quality isn't high..
1 out of 3 guys will ask for naked pictures within 5 minutes of chatting.
4 out of 5 guys will reference their anatomy within 3 minutes of chatting.
3 out of 5 guys project their self esteems issues through verbal questions. (ie. "I'm a chubby guy is that ok?" or "I am bald, is that ok?") Fyi...quotes are direct and real life.
2 out of 25 will actually make me laugh.
9 out of 10 will wear weird shoes.
1% will make me sing an Adele song in the car.
1 out of 4 can use "their" correctly in a sentence.
2 out of 25 will make me think.
99% are emotionally unavailable, the remaining 1% are secretly gay.
1 out of 10 have a secret significant other.
5 out of 7 think I am "hot".
7 out of 11 look better in their profile picture than in real life.
Approximately 75% have a "move" that is guaranteed to make me want them.
Approximately 10% are successful with said move.
Gotta love it! I will keep you posted how things go this week.
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