It's all about the Pants!!!

As I spend more time on the dating sites, I have noticed some common themes in the male profiles. I read about what they are looking for, who they are...but what I need to do is look past what they are typing and get to the heart of what they are really trying to say.

So, I have created the following online dating translator...now before I launch into what it all means...let me first provide my credentials for creating the translator.

I have been online dating for almost 18 months, and have successfully engaged in over a hundred email conversations, give or take a hundred and with more than one person...I am currently not in a relationship, however I expect that sometime in 2013 I may or may not be. Almost 100% of my dates acknowledge my presence at least 25% of the time, and I have been described as both amazing and a mad genius. I have utilized e-harmony, match.com, plentyoffish, chemistry, evow, zoosk and okcupid to patrol for "material" for this blog...and as a result can spot any new daters in the age range of 33-45 in a 30 mile radius of Palmyra.
Let's translate...shall we?

If the profile, or the dater says:

I'm an entrepreneur...it really means they are either unemployed or work at Burger King.

Looking to be friends first....means they just want to get in your pants.

Looking for a nice girl...again, means that they just want to get in your pants. But, they don't want anyone else in your pants either.

I am a simple guy...means I don't like to work too hard to get in your pants, and really just want someone to bring me wings and beer.

I like to have fun...I am going to want to get into your pants in a public place.

I'm honest and trustworthy...I get into alot of girls pants...but pretend like I haven't had pants in a while.

Ready to take it slow...I am not looking to get into your pants, but I want to chat about getting into them.

I have many interests...I am not picky about color or size of the pants.

One of the few good guys left...I will wait until the second, maybe third date before trying to get into your pants...and by date, I mean coffee.

So...it's must my translator, purely subjective...but, you know my credentials...and odds are I am right.