The next time I decide to break up with my boyfriend five days before my birthday, somebody freakin stop me, or at the very least buy me a case of sparkling beverages, sushi and enough ice cream to last more than 24 hours. I did not break up prepare myself for my birthday...and as a result, spent the better part of the day in my bathrobe shopping for area rugs on ebay. Sure, I made sure I was drunk...but a martini can only do so much for you. Yeah, I can't believe I wrote that either.
On my big b-day, the ex texted me a rant and rave about how I went about breaking up with him. But, I stand by the Brext. Hell, he should be appreciative I did it by text. Every other time I've broken up with a boyfriend, I did it by just moving. Like away. To another state. Shoved my papasan chair into the backseat, TV in the front, clothes in the trunk and off I go. Done. Break up initated. I even left my husband that way...although in my defense I did take the kids with me that time. No papasan chair. Didn't have room. Insert sad face emoticon here.
Break up's are hard. And, I am way more comfortable delivering bad news in a way that allows me to either hit a convenience store for beef jerky or turn off my phone. That way there is no crying, no questioning and no confessing that they secretly watched me sleeping because they were waiting for the snoring to stop. There are just some things I don't need to know. And think about all the other ways I could have done the breakup. I could have posted a message on his Facebook wall...."Feel free to update your relationship status to single". Or, I could have written a message on his windshield in shoe polish...."Honk, I just got dumped". I could have sent him a selfie from a date I was on, with the note "Btw this is not you. " But, that would have been rude. Embrace the Brext. It's no trip to South of the Border, but it works.
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