Watch Me Twirl My Flaming Batons!!!!

Well....after reading the last two posts..BORING...I think we need something to perk us all up. Don't you agree? The last couple of posts all stemmed from the fact that this terrible "relationship" I was in was seriously falling apart. And let me be honest. I use the term relationship loosely, since my friends and I referred to the Sales Dude (Yes, everyone gets a nickname) as the "Kid" since his emotional maturity level seems to have peaked at 12.

Sales Dude was funny, smart and talked about the future and wanted to make plans...but it seems that he was making plans with several other people too. He said I was a "breath of fresh air". I've heard that one before. But, really I was the backup. Or maybe not even the backup...probably more like Plan F. I got your F right here...Mr. Sales Douche.

So, I was bummed...just another emotional immature jackass who is bringing me down. After I got over feeling sorry for myself, and the vodka bottle was empty...I decided to screw it and just put the profile back up on the dating site. Might as well enjoy the rest of my summer without the kids by going out on some more dates.

I had 3 dates last week. Two in one night. Don't judge me, I am all about multi-tasking. Date #1 was with the stockbroker I went out with last fall. He still is boring, and made some joke about how I am on the "Dating Circuit". Sounds like I am some freakin old Beauty Queen.  Excuse me Mr. Broker, while I twirl my flaming batons too close to your comb-over.

Date#2 was just further evidence that I attract emotional unavailable men. Normally, I have an entire list of screening questions I pose to a potential date. You know like..."What are you looking for?", "Are you still married, or harboring a secret girlfriend in your home?", "Do you like chocolate?", "Have you at any time been accused or convicted of crime involving slipping the date rape drug to women you have met online?", "What's your favorite movie?", "Are you now, or have you ever been linked to any domestic or international terrorist group?", "Do you have a pet?"

In this case, I didn't get to ask any of those questions. So, of course we are sitting at the bar for drinks, when he tells me that he is still married...separated in fact, not getting divorced, still living with his wife and that I was his first date in almost 18 years. Let's just say that my reaction included the dropping of several f-bombs and grabbing a bottle of Jagermeister off the shelf behind the bar and slinging back a shot or 5. They don't like when you just grab bottles...go, figure. Look for my mugshot at the Batdorf the next time you go in!!!!!
What's going to be a joy and a pleasure...is the fact that this guy's kid is in the same school, same grade as Emily. I can't wait for Back to School Night!!!!

Date#3. Ugh. Ugh. He was nice. Funny. I'm sure a good guy. And I can't even go any further than that. He brought me a dozen roses. That should have made me happy, right? Do you have any idea how long it has been since I got flowers from a man??? That weren't left over from his grandma's funeral?? He just didn't set my world on fire. And he never is going to set my world on fire. I need fire. I need a flame. Hell, I need a spark...something. It's just not there. At all...
I feel so guilty. I wanted to like him. But, I just can't do it. Does this make me bad?

I have another date on Tuesday, with another guy. Duh, yeah...you know it's a guy. We are going for wings and beer. Girls gotta eat, right?  I also spent the afternoon texting someone else...I have no clue who. I kept trying to get him to give me some info...but, it wasn't working. I delete their names once I get bored, or the date turns out to be a dud. This was a deleted dude. Maybe later I'll just flat out ask him who he is, even though that window of opportunity has come and gone...but, could be fun!!!